This is how I lived my third pregnancy at 42 years old

The pregnancy of María José Campanario has revived, once again, the debate on pregnancies after the age of 40. I also got pregnant unexpectedly (which is not the same as unwanted) with my third child (Jomío, I affectionately call him). And it was when I was 42, although the happy event happened, when I was already 43. I would like to ask the bullfighter's wife. I don't know if he started crying or laughing when he found out. I both. And she kept saying, you see, "but my daughters already know how to get into the car by themselves and fasten their seat belts without help!". You see, the first thing that came to mind was not the increase in expenses from going from two to three, nor in the positive, thinking about a new life. No. It made me reflect on the return to a logistics that is terrifying no matter how old the creature is. Back to the maxicossi, the cart, rather a hulk, folding and unfolding at each exit.

However, to all those things, which in the end are not serious problems, was added the fact of age. It is frightening to reflect that, being 42 years old, the risk of diseases increases. And it was at the 12-week review when I got the first scare: in the triple screening -which is a statistical and non-diagnostic test-, there were some figures that showed a high possibility that the baby had Down syndrome. I thought my heart sank. I felt a feeling of cold, fear, and I wanted to be a daughter instead of a mother and the first thing I did, when I left the office, was to go to a church to think.

I don't want this article to be a tour of a pregnancy that, in the end, ran smoothly. I did not want to do any diagnostic test and Jomío was born healthy and robust. After two years, I began to suspect that I had features of autism and, in the end, the diagnosis came from the hand of AMITEA del Gregorio Marañón when I was three and a half years old (he has just turned four). Since her autism is mild and the progress is spectacular and this article is not intended to discourage any elderly mother, I will tell you the good (and the less good) of being a mother at 43 and not a new one.

I'll start with the less good things. You are more tired and if you are touched by a sleepy baby, your mental and physical health will improve remarkably when it comes to recovering. During pregnancy, you are "watched" more for being an "older" mother, like some kind of dinosaur. The desire to take him to the park decreases considerably although, in my case, they never existed. It is inevitable to make calculations and think that, when your son is 20 years old, you will already be in retirement and that, at least for me, is beyond me, the truth. But that's what there is.

Advantages of being a mother beyond 40

First of all, everything is already known. Well, not everything, practically everything. There are always fears, although you no longer have the same ones as when you were a first-timer. When the baby is born you already know how to handle practically everything. In fact, you simplify everything in a great way. For example, with my first daughter I bought an ideal crib; a huge cart; a bathtub that occupied half the bathroom and clothes that I never got to put on him because I calculated with pity how he was going to grow and the summer times of the year. I have photos of her wearing clothes four sizes too big and others of her bursting in overalls. Finally, a disaster. When you have the second, and I'm not telling you the third, you buy more calmly and you wait for it to be born and, as you go, you replenish. If everything goes as you expect, your new child will be born in the summer, which will make everything much easier for you: fresh bodysuits and froggies, and first of all, taking into account that you live in Cádiz, not even that.

I want to tell an anecdote that now, when I remember it, makes me blush and laugh. When my eldest daughter was 11 months old, we were on vacation at a friend's house in Tangier, and suddenly her fever broke out. Nothing from the other world beyond various boogers. I gave him paracetamol on the advice of my friend, an experienced mother of three. Also because of the pediatrician I called, but who was 1,000 kilometers away. The fact is that the fever went down, however, then it went up again. After 24 hours, exhausted, I decided to take a ferry and cross the strait to go to the first health center that caught me in Algeciras. The trip was a tremendous odyssey because it coincided in the middle of Ramadan and the fast was broken at the time the ship was supposed to have set sail, a fact that generated a huge queue that lasted for hours. By the time I arrived in Spain it was already 10 at night and they attended me by emergency. The pediatrician, I remember, couldn't believe it: "Ma'am, this is just a cold, have you really crossed for this?" And I quite embarrassed, I recognized that I was new. Of course, it didn't take long for my friend to tell me, laughing: "I already told you, you're exaggerating." Of course, I had to look for a hotel, which the joke of not wanting to trust my instinct, cost me more than 200 euros. It goes without saying that with the second and third, but especially with the latter, all I do is look in San Google for the corresponding measure of Apiretal or Dalsy according to weight and that's it. Obviously, if the fever does not subside in 48 hours, I do make an appointment with your pediatrician. Anyway, new mothers.

With the first child you are constantly waiting to see if he is breathing, with the third you relax much more. In my case, moreover, I was not able to enjoy proper maternity leave, since I am self-employed. Of course, I could be at home working which simplified things a lot. That and not letting go of the carrying handkerchief, for me, the mega-invention for mothers-women-orchestra.

Maintenance issues aside, I remember that the feeling of security when caring for my newborn was immensely greater than with the first. I had no doubts or stress, but there was gas. Unexpectedly, I found myself with much more patience with this child than with the first, as well as knowing how to calm down crying in a much more "professional" way.

Although I try to have a routine with him, I'm less strict about sticking to it and I don't get overwhelmed by the topic of meals. Except for check-ups with his pediatrician, I didn't get obsessed with the scale. Seeing how the bodysuits were getting smaller was more than enough to know that she was growing wonderfully.

Now that he is four years old, I admit that I am more of a “grandma” than a mother with him. That he is the most pampered in the house, for being the smallest and for being autistic. In general, I think there are many more advantages than disadvantages. I feel much more rejuvenated. What's more, after giving birth to the third, and despite the fact that I didn't gain anything more than eight kilos, I went on a diet and lost 17. That is, I had a kind of desire to feel like I was 30 again. Being the mother of a baby always rejuvenates and, I don't know if there is a scientific explanation for this (although there is a grandmother's explanation), the truth is that both during pregnancy and postpartum (which I enjoyed the most), I became gorgeous.

As it is my first “boy” I am enjoying his mastitis in a very different way than what I felt or feel with the girls, who are already 11 and nine years old.

Not much more to add, except to say that having children is always a blessing. I'm sorry for the corniness, but that's how I feel. If it wasn't for the fact that I started late and children cost money, I would have had up to five, I mean it. Babies are a gift that life gives us and in each one of them there is always the hope of improving the world, even if it is just a little bit. I love babies, I think they are the most adorable human beings on earth, they are a wonderful anxiolytic (except when they bawl, of course). So, my best wishes that everything goes well and congratulations!

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